Events transpired lately to force Malcolm and I into a new level of honesty with each other. Over the course of our relationship, we've always had assumptions about each other, and the things we do when we're NOT together, but it was never spoken of. Kind of like the white elephant in the room. Neither of us is stupid, though, and it came to be time to face that elephant head on, and find out what the other person really thought.
A while ago, I remember having a conversation with Malcolm which ended in one of his speeches about how women try to trap you. Specifically, he says that a woman will tell you it's ok, you can tell her the truth, but when you do....POW! Wailing, and weeping and gnashing of teeth occur, and the man is taught that no, truth is never a good thing. I knew then that was his way of telling me, without saying outright to me, that he wasn't comfortable enough yet to face the elephant, and preferred for both of us to go on ignoring it. And just what is this elephant? LOL, well, after all, we ARE swingers with an instiable appetite, and we do spend long times apart from each other some times. So the elephant is the other people in our lives that satisfy us in a sexual capacity.
Malcolm and I are both serious creatures of habit, and prefer to hang out with people we know rather than form a hundred knew liasons. AND, we'd rather be with people we are comfortable with and people we deem trustworthy and safe, rather than risk a bad experience with some schmuck. So we go back to the familiar. For me, yeah, it's always been Jachin, and Malcolm has always known, even since we started dating 2 years ago that Jachin has never been just a platonic friend. For Malcolm, it has always been his baby mommas. I understand it, I can't be sure that if my baby daddy was around that we wouldn't still have a boink now and again. Sharing a child with someone doesn't ever go away, and neither does loving someone you shared your life with for a long time. But for Malcolm and I, it was getting to the point that we just needed to get it out in the open and relieve the burden and tension of talking AROUND it for so long.
The interesting thing is that it doesn't make us want each other less. In fact, finally discussing it has, yet again, made us closer. For Malcolm, the biggest stumbling block in a relationship is trust and faith. For him to have that, even in increments, is huge. For me, he knows I can't stand the secret life thing. I hate hiding things from him, and I hate having to guess what he's up to. I played the guessing game with Jachin for way too long, and all I want now is straight forward, or at least as straightforward as we can be, with all of our quirks. PLUS, it frees Jachin from having to lie to both of us, something he's incredibly bad at. Malcolm can tell just by looking at him if he's done something with me, and Jachin can't keep a secret from me to save his life. LOL Malcolm says that Jachin would never be the guy you want to rob a bank with, cuz he cracks under pressure like a bad nut.
I love Malcolm more today than I did when I met him. But the best part is that not only do I love him, I LIKE him WAYYY more because he's honestly and truly my friend now too, and not just my lover. We care for each other, not just sexually, but in those everyday things too, like mundane doctor's visits, and taxes, and groceries, bill paying, and all the stupid things that couples have to take care of. Further more, he trusts me to take care of his shit, and that is unprecedented. I love him most of all for trusting me not only with him, but with the fact that no matter what, I'll always come home to him.
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