Busy Time

February has been unusually busy for us in the lifestyle department. Since we inherited Affinity, our schedule suddenly realized the reality of hosting 2 parties in one month due to the unusual circumstances. Having just wrapped up the Valentine's Brothel Party, which was a huge success, thankfully, we set our sites on our next endeavor...the BBC party on 2/20. I'm tired, this month, it's alot. Thankfully my partner, Malcolm, has agreed to shift some of the party burden onto himself for this one, and Jachin has agreed to help out any way he can as well. The hardest part is that there is another Affinity party on March 6th, and that means I'll have hosted a party every 2 weeks 3 times in a row.

It's a job, this hosting thing. I love doing it, and it's a fun job, but it is a job any way you wanna slice the bread. Responsibilities, financials, spreadsheets, profit and loss....it's a big job at that. Marketing, social networking, advertising, and any form of communications take hours to accomplish, and then there are the tons of individual correspondences that I answer, the relationship questions, the lifestyle advice, and the ever present threat of future drama. LOL, it's a microcosm to manage, a world of it's own within a world, just needing someone to watch the flame, and stir the pot. I have to say that my accountant was incredibly impressed with my organization of the Events business this year. All my spreadsheets were detailed and concise, and clearly showed expense and income, as well as net profit or net loss. I find that hosting these groups is not unlike gambling in Vegas. It's a risk, a hit or miss...one minute you're agonizing in hell, wondering if you're gonna lose it all this time. The next minute you're on top of the world, and everything is going your way. That's how this last party felt, with God seemingly intervening in an attempt to preserve my mental sanity this last time as I lost my mind...AGAIN...over the last minute enrollment.

In the end I do this because I love it. It's never going to make me a rich woman, but I love doing it. Call it my hobby, this events planning business, but there is something so satisfying about creating a special evening and watching the delight on people's faces. I might not do alot right in this world, but one thing I certainly can nail out of the park is putting on a kick ass party. I can create a fantastic party, but in the end, it's Malcolm who makes them phenomenal.

Malcolm is still waffling over his love hate relationship with Affinity. So he has thrown himself into our BBW group with as much abandon as I've thrown into Affinity. It puts us at odds, sometimes, we two goats. But we laughed tonight about it, and about how we actually like butting heads. "I don't mind doing this with you, because you're not stupid, and you're not weak." was Malcolm's explanation. It sounds outwardly like a put down, but I totally understand him. One thing Capricorns absolutely cannot abide is stupidity, and right behind that...weakness. So I revel in his strong stubbornness, even as I curse it some days, knowing that in the end, we're just alike. He's come to concede some points to me lately, many more than he ever did in the past. Perhaps I'm just arguing more effectively, or more vehemently...I'm not entirely sure. But I'm winning some arguments, and I never did seem to before. LOLOL

I understand Malcolm's feelings about Affinity, and it doesn't kill me to let him out of it now and again, because I have Jachin who will pick up the slack and be my escort if I need him like that. I feel sad that Jachin won't join us at the BBC party this month, but I understand HIS reasons too. And in the end, he is so much more a lite social creature than Malcolm is, so Affinity suits his nature.

I've promised to soothe Malcolm's beast on the 20th. He has a couple of serious fantasies that I need to fulfill for him. He wants to hold my hand and watch me be gangbanged...even knowing that I'm terrified of it. My work is to trust him to keep me safe, to not leave me there to be...whatever. I can't talk about it too much or I'll psych myself out of it. It's always been my core fear. Malcolm wants me to conquer my fear. He wants me to place my trust in him, as my lover, my significant other, to never let me fall like that. My mind knows, but that irrational fear..... And I want to let go of that fear. I want to put the past behind me, to get that power back and never fear losing control again. We'll see what happens.

So I'm taking my tired ass to bed, and hopefully I'll have some more momentum to continue plugging away at the BBC Party. Tomorrow I work on recruiting more ladies to avoid a disproportion of attendance. We've never hosted a sausage party in the past, and I don't intend to start now. So far it's good...we just need to make sure it stays that way.

Night night!