The New Guy, part 2

Now what, indeed?

Atlas and I had a conversation about our expectations.  We both admitted to knowing the rules, not exceeding or breaking them.  We both knew how the game was played.  We weren't going to get caught up.  I didn't want to fall in love, he wasn't available. My world was too precariously balanced to have someone akin to Loki wreaking havoc.  He leaves for Asia in the fall.  It seemed that we understood each other perfectly.  We would have no strings attached fun with each other, that seemed reasonable.

When adding a new lover to the roster, I'm usually very open and honest with Satan.  I know he doesn't like talking about it, doesn't particularly like knowing that I've taken pleasure with another man besides him.  But he is practical enough to understand that waiting on him to be available these days is like waiting for a tax refund.  Agonizing.  My going catch-phrase; "What's good for the goose is good for the gander", are words that make him roll his eyes and say "Whateva".  But the truth remains that after our reunion last year, I made it clear that I was not going to sit on a shelf and wait for him.  I'd see him when I see him, but not let anyone touch my heart.  Somehow, I knew Atlas was different.  I haven't told Satan about him.  I don't want to have that discussion until I have to.  Satan senses it, he's just that intuitive.  He senses my distraction, and I find him calling and texting me to ask where I am, what am I doing.

So where am I and what am I doing?  The answer is I have no idea. 

Atlas and I made plans to meet for a day to have relaxed time together.  Time to ask silly questions to get to know each other.  Time to play with each other without interruption or an audience.  Time to just.....chill.  I found myself extremely nervous the day before, fussing over my clothes and my choice of toenail color.  I was taking extra care with my grooming, even working on my legendary crusty feet to tame them down to simply dry instead of lethal.  Texting him during this furor, I told him it was way easier when I didn't give a shit what he thought.  Yet somehow, I did care what he thought.  I needed to make a good impression so that he liked what he saw.  I felt shy, and a bit discombobulated, and all I knew was that I had to be.....amazing. It was incredibly girly, and as anyone who knows me will say, I hate girly moments with a passion.

After seeing to my errands and finally getting on the road, I received a call from Jachin.  He wanted to know where I was going, who I was seeing, and how long I expected to be out.  I told him I wasn't worried, and he commented "Of course you're not, that's my job".  He was unhappy I was meeting "strange men" and told me I should never go out without telling someone where to find me.  I met him at the rest stop, he gave me money for tolls, I told him where I'd be, and I was off again.  Another conundrum for a different day.

The rain slowed my progress, and I arrived after Atlas did.  I had been so nervous in the morning that I wasn't feeling good, and my stomach was in a knot for most of the drive.  I was concerned that my stomach ache might translate into some unpleasantness, so I didn't eat, I just drank some Crystal Light.  He texted me the room number, and I parked next to him.  I took a moment to just breathe.......

I knocked, he answered...and promptly slammed the door on me.  LOL, ahh it was going to be that kind of day. With his humor, he disarmed me and put me at instant ease.  I brought my bags in, and as I watched him work on his laptop, knowing he had a business call in a few, I took out my laptop and prepared to amuse myself while he worked.  We chatted a bit, and we laughed.  Of all the memories I will carry about him in my life, it will be how much we laughed.  I slyly looked at him over my computer screen.  I find him so beautiful.  His body is in amazing shape, and he has eyes that really look at you when you talk to him.  I can't imagine any woman NOT finding him crazy hot.  I have also found that he is a man that does not say things he doesn't mean.  So far, I find that he says what he means, and means what he says.  He doesn't grandstand, doesn't need to talk endlessly just to hear himself.  He is a careful listener, and he is even more careful at replying, knowing his feedback may not always be rosebuds and unicorns, as he is at heart, a realist.

He climbed onto the bed with me, in a side 69 position, my back to his front, and he stroked his hands up my legs, under my dress, to a pantyless me, which he had requested. His hands, gentle and soft, finding spots front and back that had me panting.  He got to stroking me in earnest and I came for him, almost as though his quiet confidence had simply commanded it without words, and it came into being.  I came and squirted, and he got naked too.  He just stopped playing, it was time for his business call.  I lay at the end of the bed crosswise, while he lounged against the pillows, naked.  As he entered his conference call, I looked at him, looked at his cock, and did the chin up inquiry move. He silently shrugged as if to say, why not?  So I promptly moved between his legs and sucked his cock.

His skin is so velvety smooth, we joke that he feels like kitten paws.  I so love feeling him grow in my mouth, and feeling his gentle yet insistent hand on my head encouraging me to press my lips against his body while his cock goes down my throat and I swallow him.  It excited me to do these things to him while he was conducting business.  And my beast rose with every intention of shattering his self control, except we failed, as he is an incredible challenge to ruffle.  Earpiece intact, he swung himself behind me and fucked me until I squirted on his cock.  Not being able to be vocal during sex is challenging for me, and it heightened the pleasure to an almost painful degree.    He must have sat back and watched me trying to stifle my noise, chuckling, and I heard him say, "Oh, I hung up my call a bit ago, you can make noise now."  BASTARD!!!

Going into detail about the rest of the afternoon seems redundant.  It was a beautiful dream, laced with passionate kisses, ecstasy, and lots and lots of my body fluid.  I lost track of the number of times that I came, just enjoying each small eruption of pleasure as it's own fantastic gift.  I realized that i couldn't do this with him on a regular basis and remain casual. I told him so in an effort to be honest.  He inspired an intensity in me that was difficult to ignore.  It felt like it welled up in my core, and wanted to spew out of my mouth in the form of pretty words and promises. I would not be the conqueror, as I had insinuated in emails to him...I would be the conquered.

He moves me in ways I haven't thought about in a long time.  He makes me feel a little less lonely inside. He makes me want to see what he does during his days, how he walks through the door, how he organizes his kitchen.  He makes me think of long lazy days off spent lounging in bed. He makes me think about walks along the shore talking about everything.  He reeks of the word companion, not simply fuck buddy.  He makes me realize, in the grand scheme of things that I have something I hadn't believed in for a long time....options.

It's been a few days now.  The intensity has started to dissipate, and life in it's routine has re-intruded on my fantasy.  I still text him daily, and am still wondering what the hell happened.  He's made some statements to me that make me wonder what he's about and what it is that he actually wants, and I realize I've spent so much time listening to the double speak of Satan and Jachin that I no longer know how to take someone at their word without copious positive reinforcement about said statements.  I wonder about the men in my life, how I love them, what their role in my life really is. I've been thinking about what I really want, from everyone.

I treasure and value being excited by a man like this again.  It has ignited a fire in me that has been dormant for a long time.  Though I love all the men that play a role in my life, I have worked diligently to kill the penchant for expectation.  If I don't expect anything, ever, I will never be disappointed.  Ergo, I gave up the fire to wish for more.  Perhaps the biggest turn on this man presents to me is that I don't merely look upon him as a tool.  He is more in the great grand scheme than just a guy looking to get his rocks off with little regard to how he does it.  He's discerning, he's picky, he's artful.  And here's the clincher...I'll say it.  He makes me feel like I'm enough to satisfy him.  True or not, I'll think of him fondly for a long time for making me feel that again.  Sharing is fine, but once in a while, it just feels good to be enough for someone.  And I thank him for reminding me that I have the right to expect it, should I choose to.

Where am I and what am I doing?

I still haven't figured it out, and I'm not going to try right now.  I prefer to take the ride and see how the road goes.  Hopefully I'll enjoy the journey, and remember a few more things about who I am and what I have a right to want.

Spring Fling, Part 2

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How It All Began

Everyone has a beginning, right? Some first moment when it all started, that spark, the magic. Sometimes it's subtle, other times it's explosive. I had only recently terminated a long term relationship, and I'd decided to go to a lifestyle party geared more toward singles. I was reticent about it, not really 100% into it, but figured it was my life I wanted to reclaim, and I was going to move on if it killed me. LOL ~I was nervous, going down. It was my first party without my now Ex, and it just didn't feel quite right. I passed the exit, 48, and felt a little lump settle in my stomach, but then I got pissed, and couldn't wait to get there. Paul, one of the group moderators had promised he'd have my back today, not letting it degenerate into a gang bang, making sure that if other men fucked me, they'd all be wearing condoms. I find myself not thinking about the right choices when I'm in the thick of it, I become mindless, wholly focused on the pleasure riding thru my blood, almost like taking drugs... And I realize I have to hold back now because I have to be able to make the right choices on my own. I miss that part of couplehood...knowing that someone loves you and is looking out for you. It's not quite as free without it. I got there in just under 2 hours. No stops made it a shorter ride. No booze for me today either, I've got to be rational, and I've got to be able to drive home as well. Paul was waiting for me, with a big hug, and reassurances..."it's going to be ok, I'll be with you today". He and Janet, and Malcolm, the other guy there, were all smoking a huge blunt, and the smoke was thick in her house. I may not be inhaling, but I knew I was still getting high. I sat with Paul, on the leather sofa, while everyone introduced themselves to me. LOL, Janet has a super poor memory, and didn't remember that I'd already met her and Paul. It's ok though, it gave me the chance to get more hugs and luv. Malcolm was startling, to look at. It was a little like seeing my ex, same bald head, same goatee, almost the same age. Same earring that my ex used to wear when I first met him. But thats where his similarities ended. He was really dark, with tattoos all over his chest and arms, and back, the tightest ass I'd ever seen, and had eyes like Tupac. Paul grabbed my hand, and wasted no time leading me to Janet's bedroom. He asked if i wanted the door closed, and I said no...Janet & Malcolm seemed busy, I assumed they'd be busy for awhile. Paul undressed me, telling me how he had been waiting for me for awhile now, and that he intended to make me scream. He laid me back on the bed, pushed my thighs apart, and looked up my body. When he saw me looking back at him, he told me he was going to lick me blind. He spread my pussy with his hands, kissed the insides of my thighs until they were shaking, then finally put his tongue where I wanted it and needed it. He was soft and gentle, and my God, it felt so good. I couldn't help sighing. It wasn't screaming time, definitely not yet, but his tongue slowly brushing over my clit was like warm brandy hitting the pit of your stomach. I could hear Janet's voice coming closer, but I kept my eyes closed...i just wanted to feel this. I was holding my breasts, and pinching and rolling my own nipples, just because it felt nice. A set of hands took my hands away, and a warm mouth closed over the tip, swirling and sucking my pebble hard nipple. It was so good, I pushed my back up so he'd take more into his mouth. Paul was going quicker now...flicking over and over, and it was making me breathless. I couldn't cum, but it felt like I wanted to. Malcolm knelt over my head, his large cock hanging near my mouth. Please.....I was begging, I needed so much to have it. He let me have it, but i wanted it deep, and his angle wasn't there. I pressed his thighs, and he knew. He knew what i wanted so he began to fuck my mouth, lightly, softly. And then he let me take him all. He was in my throat...I gagged, then settled...trying to breathe as he pressed a little deeper. He lay on my body, and then it was HIS mouth on my pussy, Paul holding my hand. Paul telling me it was ok, to relax. And this mouth, this tongue that lapped at me like I was sweet cream and I was so fucking wet. I had a cock down my throat, a mouth on my clit sucking me in time with my pulse, and his fingers in my pussy and my ass. And I shattered, screaming with his cock lodged deep in my throat. But he wasn't done, he wouldn't let me stop. He left my mouth and got even busier about eating me, and Paul was there, ready to fill my mouth. I was ready for him, i wanted to show him I could take him, and make him feel better than he ever had. He liked it when I whimpered around his cock, liked seeing Malcolm suck me so hard it raised my hips off the bed, made my fists bunch up the sheets. I could feel my wetness pouring out of me, down my ass, all over my thighs. Even Janet could see it, "look at how fucking juicy she is" she cried, and I stretched out my hand so that she could dance her clit on my fingers. Finally he let me stop, let me breathe again. Janet was laying next to me, and he moved to her pussy. That wouldn't do at all. I got up, pushed him aside, and put MY face in her pussy, and 2 of my fingers up inside her, rubbing and stroking her from inside and out. I felt hands on my ass then...rubbing and caressing...and then MMMM. A hard cock fucking me. Janet could feel him fucking me. More than that, she could feel me fucking him back...It rocked my mouth hard against her clit, and sent my fingers in and out of her. I could feel my ass bouncing, and I knew he liked it. And then then there was a mouth on my clit again. I couldn't move anymore...both men held me still. Malcolm so that he could lick me, and Paul so that he could fuck me hard. It was amazing, and I screamed against Janet's clit, and made her cum, made her squirt. And they still weren't done with me yet.... We rested some, and got a snack. As usual, I'd not eaten on the way down...nerves and all. So I found suddenly that I was famished. And I couldn't make any spit...my mouth was completely dried out. I had some cases of diet coke...but they were out in the car, and I was naked. I slipped a translucent top on, one I had been wearing over a tank top...one that would readily let everyone know that I was naked. I had the look of someone who had been completely fucked....hair all bedraggled, makeup melted off, and that bright reddish glow I get when it's made me work for it. I was desperate enough to go to my car virtually naked...but thankfully Paul did the deed, catering to me like I was a china doll, something fragile that had to be carefully handled. LOL. He'd caught me crying a bit, and was worried I wasn't having a good time. I really was, but those thoughts....memories....choked me up. I sucked it up, went to wash my face, and tidy up a bit, and was made to sit in the middle of the two men. Another guy had shown up by this time. I wasn't sure what to make of him, wasn't sure if I'd have to entertain him at some point..."take one for the team" as it were. Paul was absolutely against my doing so, letting me know that I had no obligation but to entertain exactly who I wanted to. I guess I felt like if the guy just joined into the fun, I'd be acting bitchy to say no, when everyone ELSE was playing. Thankfully I never had to make such a decision...I still don't know if it was because Paul set it up like that, or if the guy never had any intention of joining anyways. I felt exhausted, and I was still sweaty...so I went and lay down in the spare room...naked again, but on my belly, ass up. I have a huge ass, a bubble butt I've been told. I also had some ass admirers, and they'd filled my head with enough compliments that day to make me feel ok about being on such blatant display. Laying there, resting, I felt hands on my ass, smoothing over it, squeezing, caressing. Lips kissing...so gentle, it was hypnotic. I didn't know who it was, hadn't opened my eyes to see. But I felt that tongue....Malcolm. He licked me, and bit my ass....then held me down. I didn't know what he was about...i wasn't going anywhere...but then I realized what he had in mind, and why he wanted to keep me from running. He ran his tongue down to my pussy again, lapping at the wetness, and drawing it up higher. He ran his tongue around my ass and rimmed me, HARD. I'd never thought I'd like that. Someone had tried it years ago, and it had tickled unbearably. But he kept drawing long lazy circles, firm circles, then took his fingers and went inside, stretching and opening me. I wanted to tell him no, but he'd shush me and go back to what he was doing, alternately fucking my ass with his fingers and sucking hard on my clit. I know my ass was circling, begging him to fuck me. I wanted to be taken hard, I wanted it to hurt me. I wanted to feel his hand landing on my ass and leaving a print. I was whimpering, and begging, and pushing my ass back at him while he would laugh, and say..."down, babygirl". I heard the rustle of the condom wrapper, and knew I'd finally get what I wanted. He was being too easy...to gentle. He had his hands on my hips, and he slid in, pressing firmly until he was all the way in, until his balls slapped my pussy. "Harder" I told him. "How hard?" he asked? I found his eyes with mine, and said "Hard". He wrapped his fist in my hair then and yanked my head back. "YES YES!!" I cried, FINALLY...finally....and the first smack hit. It was hard enough to make me jump and gasp. He landed 3 more, and I could feel my ass cheek heating up, and my nipples getting diamond hard. And still he fucked my ass, holding my hair like reins. I was so close, I wanted to cum, but I just couldn't get there.... He pulled out really quick, and replaced his cock with his tongue...fucking my ass with his tongue, and then sucking my clit into his mouth until I screamed my release, and felt my pussy creaming all over his face. He put his fingers into my wet, wet pussy, then brought them up to my mouth, and made me suck them. Sweet...I really do taste sweet... Malcolm and I drove home together that fateful day, bonding in the car, exchanging numbers, having great conversation, and promising each other we'd see each other again. It's been a year now, and what started out as playful fun evolved into something neither one of us anticipated. We haven't looked back since....