Whatta Man

Another amazing week has me smiling those little private smiles I can't help but get when he does those special things he does to please me. Today was one of those days you remember for a long time, beautiful weather, walking hand in hand with him, and watching his face break into a smile when he sees me. I love being with him more and more, even after all this time, our time spent together is still incredible. It's amazing that two years can fly by, and it still feels brand new, that wow factor hasn't gone away one iota. He knows he has my heart, but he also knows he has my mind and that matters to him.

Jachin stopped talking to me after the post last week concerning his new round of psycho bitches. He's angry that I put his stuff out there like that because it causes his carefully constructed house of cards to begin to implode. I talked to Malcolm about it because it does make me sad that after all the years of love and friendship, Jachin can essentially toss me aside carelessly over some random booty call. Malcolm thinks it's much more than that. Malcolm thinks Jachin is angry that I decided to not be available to him sexually anymore. The decision, along with the decision to put a concerted effort into finding a couple to take over Affinity was what saved my relationship with Malcolm. It's what is responsible for the amazing changes I see in him every day, and the gifts of happiness I'm enjoying every day now.

So, some have told me that I take the sub thing way too far. That in giving up my sexual relationship with Jachin, and giving up my ownership of Affinity, I'm letting another man dictate how I live my life. Certainly Jachin has had very bitter words to say to me about it, and I'm sorry he's hurt by my actions and decisions. But I love whom I love. The nature of my relationship with Malcolm, although in some cerebral way D/s, is essentially a working partnership. Is Malcolm my Master? Absolutely. But his responsibility in the caretaking of my heart and soul are immense burdens, and I find myself caring for and keeping his as well. His requests are all supported with very logical arguments and debate. He insists on my input and opinion, and values my feelings. He wants me to understand him as he strives to understand me. I think what most people don't understand about working D/s relationships is that a good Master ALWAYS takes the needs and requests of his sub to heart, and relies on her needs to guide him in his job of caretaking. It's not about making the sub jump through hoops just for shits and giggles. It's about reaching incredible depths of intimacy together by accepting a role in the relationship. In the end, it just works for us because I trust him implicitly, as he trusts me.

What is probably most amazing to me is that as our intimacy develops, as our bond strengthens, our sex life gets better. The reason this is amazing is because who the fuck thought sex as incredible as we already have could get BETTER???? But holy fuck, today took the cake in terms of quality, and it was a quickie. LOLOL

We spent the morning together taking care of his errands, and came to his home together afterward to relax before he had to head into work. He decided he wanted sex, and I talked him into letting me suck his cock because I hadn't in a bit. He's been going to town going down on me for the past couple of weeks, but hasn't been into letting me suck him off. Today I went crazy on it, and I loved every minute he let me go on. He wanted to fuck my ass so bad though, and he made it happen. He talks to me during sex, telling me how much I please him, telling me how much he loves every hole in my body, telling me he loves me and that I belong to HIM. He'd work himself up to a frenzy, fucking me extra hard to punctuate that the depth of his penetration symbolizes his ownership, that he wants to mark every inch of me inside and out. He wanted to cum so bad, and he asked my permission to cum, telling me he'd wait if I wanted him to. But no, there is something so incredibly thrilling about knowing he can't hold it back. Feeling him bite into that spot on my shoulder blade that fits his teeth now, feeling him lose his finely honed control and shatter inside of me, leaving his mark behind so that every movement of my body reminds me that I belong to him.

Did he roll over and go to sleep then? Oh hell no, he's not a selfish lover and he knew I needed to cum more. Malcolm has worked hard over the past two years to teach me how to be multiorgasmic, to be a squirter, and to cum on his command. He knows my needs honestly better than I do. He knows my rhythms and cycles, and can read and play my body like a custom instrument. He went back down on me, and shoved his fingers inside, looking for that spot. Today he destroyed me with it. It burns, it makes me crazy, it makes me desperate to cum over and over, it makes me squirt, it makes me shake. I screamed, I cried, I begged, and hyperventilated.....and I came again and again and again.

My only regret was that Malcolm left the door open which means Jachin heard the whole damn thing. I'm thinkin he did that on purpose.

Malcolm and I discussed our life together today as well. He made me laugh when he admitted he'd break man cave edicts for me. LOL, I'd never make him do it to prove his love, he's already proved it by conceding that he would if I really needed it. So many concessions from him lately. How can I not give him everything I am in return? No psycho bitch from hell can take away what we have. Let them try.

Jealousy Revisited

Truth be told, things couldn't really be better with Malcolm and I. He's attentive, he's available, he's being called pussy whipped by his roommate. LOLOL. We have been having a great few weeks together, and I'm hopeful that they'll just keep getting better and better.

So why jealousy? Well, yes, he's still a jealous ass but no more than normal. No, the jealousy I'm being afflicted with isn't coming from Malcolm. It's not even coming from Jachin. It's coming from a new and improved kind of Medusa.

What is it with women anyway? Never satisfied, it would seem. New and Improved Medusa, or Medusa Squared has already done a number of fucked up things in her attempt to purge herself of me. She said awful things about Malcolm, even though he was nothing but nice to her. And when I tried to have a civil conversation with her, she launched into a tirade of what a man whore Malcolm is and I should "WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND IT GIRLFRIEND". I remember wondering where that had come from after I'd simply tried to be nice to her, and I also remember thinking "well damn, ain't that the pot calling the kettle black". Her assumption wasn't even based in reality, this woman has no idea that we're swingers, has no idea I run 2 clubs for swingers. Her idea of Malcolm being a man whore was based on his baby mommas. And it was so tempting to blast her out of the water and destroy her fragile pea brain with the truth. But no, Malcolm put a noose and a gag on me and said to let it go.
Damn.

All for being Jachin's friend. Well, you know.

Jachin and I ARE just friends right now. I decided, after I took my break from both guys, that I needed to focus my attention on Malcolm where it belonged. As both the love of my life and my master, he deserves my full and complete attention. He should NEVER feel like he doesn't have both my mind and heart at all times. My lapse in paying attention was inexcusable, though he's acknowledged that he takes some of the blame for boycotting Affinity and leaving me on my own. It's unfathomable to me that some women are incapable of understanding that not all breakups have to be horrendous, that you can stay friends with your ex. Not that she even knows that Jachin is my damn ex.

She had befriended me on Facebook, and I allowed it since I needed neighbors for my farm. LOL, yes I'm one of the many Farmville addicts. But while in conversation with Jachin it came to my attention that she was using her connection to me to spy on me and see what I was up to...keeping tabs on me....JUST LIKE MEDUSA NUMBER ONE DID. Fuck that shit, I terminated the connection and refused her subsequent requests. I'd have simply gone on refusing her and laughing, until I noticed that of a sudden, my DAUGHTER'S page showed her as a friend. The bitch had joined my 10 year old's page to use her as a tool to get to me.

I was livid. How despicable, deplorable, low life, ghetto tramp kinda shit. I called Jachin and told him to handle it. Here's the deal, this bitch has turned this into a fucking battle (again!). And for WHAT? Because I happen to be a friend to a man she wants to possess. Damn fool, as if he COULD be ANYONE's possession. And I'm not the one she needs to battle because I don't currently have an intimate relationship with him. Not only that but I can't really help but see him often as he LIVES WITH MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER!!! And really, there are rules to war, and kids are off limits. Period.

Jachin doesn't want to handle it. I've given him an ultimatum, and it is that either he handles it or I will. I guarantee it will be way more ugly if I do it. WAY MORE FUCKING UGLY. I won't tolerate a bitch trying to tamper with my relationship with Malcolm, who by the way, also can't stomach her anymore. And I definitely won't tolerate ANYONE fucking with my kid. EVER.

It has to be something that Jachin does, I think, to produce so many Medusas. Because there are more, waiting their turn to fuck with me. Thankfully most are just too timid to amount to anything. But this one burns with the fire of righteous Bible Belt indignation, and is sure she's completely in the right. What she can't understand is that I'm in a happy fulfilling relationship (the fact of which seemed to piss her off even more) and I have a beautiful daughter that I love beyond measure. My life is really good right now, and I look forward to every tomorrow. Jachin is a great friend, even with all his drama. We've settled comfortably into friendship without sex, which is actually really fantastic and relaxed. My daughter loves him as the only man that has acted like a father towards her, and cherishes all the moments he makes incredibly special for her. How can anyone feel threatened by the relationship a grown man has with a little girl?

So Jachin has a couple more days to deal with this before I intervene. He says he'd rather take a burning needle to his eye. He better do it because if I have to intervene he'll be wishing he could chop his nuts off with a plastic knife. Wish me luck!

In Love With a Jealous Man

I'm not a terribly jealous person. I enjoy sharing, things, people, you name it. I'm the last of five children, but younger than the rest by an enormous gap, so I never had to fight for everything, or have all my stuff taken away. My family has always been incredibly giving and generous to me, and I, in turn, enjoy passing that along.

Though I don't consider myself jealous, I am intensely loyal to my friends, family, and lovers. Some might confuse my desire to protect and defend as jealous, but those that really know me understand that I love them beyond the borders of jealousy. So how is it that all the men I know and love suffer from terrible jealousy? And is it a bad thing?

Malcolm has finally admitted that he is jealous of another man touching me. Well, let me rephrase that. Malcolm is INTENSELY jealous of another man touching me if he isn't there to see it. LOL. Though we managed to blunder through the first 2 years of our relationship openly, and seeing other people with little to no issues, something has subtly changed for him in regards to my sexual activities. It started to manifest itself with the whole Jachin thing, and my blogging and poking his bear with it didn't help matters any either. But his jealousy blossomed into something more far reaching, with him admitting that he didn't like the thought of me fucking other men if he wasn't there. It's made me rethink a lot of things, my dealings with other guys in general, and certainly my relationship with Jachin. But it's also made me rethink my relationship with Malcolm, and it's made me examine what's changed in the last couple of months.

And no doubt, things HAVE changed. He gives me much more of his time, whether it be at home relaxing, or making love, or watching a movie, we just spend more quality time together. He spends more time calling me to chat, upwards of 6 times a day usually, at various intervals. I feel very very connected to him now. He always seems to know when I'm thinking about him, and he's incredibly in tune to my feelings, and how I express them through tone of voice, language, even silence. He's ended his boycott of Affinity, and is making arrangements for us to do couple things together. Date nights. LOL. It's.......wonderful.

And the jealous thing? Well, it isn't the jealous rage that some men show. And it's just enough to be endearing to me. His new nickname has been "jealous ass", said only with the most love. And I do find myself loving him more intensely than ever. He called me today, this morning in fact, to tell me that he'd miss me this weekend, and was so sorry that he couldn't make it, since he has his daughter and son for the weekend. I'm actually so thrilled for him being able to HAVE his daughter with him on his weekend foray that I'd never be surly or bitter about him not making this party. Yeah, it would be nice to have him by my side every time, but parenting always comes first. I'm incredibly lucky to have a fantastic friend who will sit for me when I need her to, and I enjoy my daughter's company every day. I can't imagine how it would hurt to only see her 2 1/2 days a week. I'd be devastated. I told him all this and he paused a moment to gather himself and thank me for putting up with him. "I know I'm not an easy man, I come with tons of baggage, and I just want to thank you for always just dealing with me". Silly man, don't you know it's because, baggage and all, I just love you.

He's worried about me for this weekend. He wishes he were by my side to keep me safe and sound, to be my protector and make sure that nothing hurtful even approaches me. I assured him that I love his protection, I love his always wanting to push me behind him a little bit and take the brunt of the matter away from me. Even his jealously has validation in his wanting to just keep me safe. How can I not find it endearing that he loves me so much? I see him trying so hard to make me happy, to do little things that will make me smile. I see him struggling to let me keep my wide open freedom. I see him listening to me when I honestly express myself to him about how I feel and what I want. Better still, I'm willing to meet him half way. He doesn't need to be the only one bending here, now SHOULD he be. One thing we've both learned is that when we communicate with each other, neither of us is unreasonable, and we get matters taken care of and back on track.

So yes, I love a jealous man. I even love his jealousy because in it's present controlled form, it is his stamp of love upon me, the irrefutable evidence that he has fallen as much as I have.