Holiday time can be incredibly stressful, with everyone looking for money to fill the space under the tree with packages. This year especially, people are feeling pinched in the extreme as our children's expectations remain normal or above normal while our purses are sorely lacking. But what about all those gifts we get every day that we casually overlook? Recently Malcolm and I had a long talk about his disillusionment with the holiday and how money grubbing everyone is, and how he just never feels that he can meet anybody's expectations...that no matter how much he gives, it's never enough. He's stretched in a billion separate directions, with nobody really willing to meet him half way, and he's grown to increasingly hate the holidays, seeing them as mostly contrived.
I still love the holidays. I positively revel in the season, love the food, love the good cheer, love to wish people good times and wonderful feelings. I love to decorate, love to cook, love to make things. I love listening to the music, love singing it. But I love the idea that I can do special things for the people I love most all the time. Malcolm and I discussed how family obligations keep us apart on Christmas, and how we've agreed to make the OTHER days special instead. Yes I want to cuddle with him in front of the tree, sipping a warm cognac, talking about nothing, maybe watching some sappy movie like Trans Siberian Orchestra or It's a Wonderful Life. Then making slow sweet love under the beautiful lights, with the fragrance of balsam all around us. He kinda rolled his eyes at me but said it did sound relaxing and kind of nice. The biggest thing being that WHEN we did it didn't matter as much as taking time TO do it...just special time for US, away from family demands for a minute, away from work demands for a minute. Just Malcolm and I basking in our relationship with no other intrusion. I'm not a stickler for doing it at a specific date or time. I've spent too many years as a retail whore to place any stock in having to be available on the actual holiday. When you work mental hours for enough years, you learn to treasure the off times that you DO get. What matters most is having the time and using it wisely.
Today Malcolm gave me a day I'll never forget. It wasn't just about phenomenal sex, although it was all that and a few bags of chips too. LOL, nope the real memory is from the gift of his trust. He gave me Belief and Faith and Trust today on a level that stole my breath away. It was a falling in love again moment, for both of us it seems since he expressed his delight in me in our conversation tonight. No matter that his little plan didn't quite work out as he'd hoped. It was the fact that he gave his permission to make my dream reality. He set aside his hesitations and misgivings and made me his priority. What a humbling and amazing feeling, and it deepened not only my feelings for him but also my loyalty. Sometimes you just know when you belong with someone. He's my someone.
So for all the everyday miracles that we might miss....take a moment to count your blessings. If people chose even just one day to focus on everything they HAVE instead of everything that they feel they might be lacking....can you imagine how amazing that day would be?
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