Thaw

It was all so hard to believe that it would actually end like that, and of course it didn't....

I ran from him, and his wolf reared it's head and scented wounded prey, and he chased like his inner Alpha demanded. The more I ran the more he came for me. I realized during the running, as I felt skittish and nervous, but so breathless with hope and desire that I didn't want to run away from him. So I stopped, and turned my wolf to dance around him until he realized that I was the hawk that needed gentling. He found my jesses in the form of an electric trimmer.

Yep, that's right, an electric trimmer.

Malcolm has been my personal intimate groomer since we started dating and he agreed that I had the shortest arms since the Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct. Being a BBW with a belly and little arms makes grooming your hooha challenging, especially when it concerns using sharp power tools. So he happily took over the job since he sincerely liked doing it. I was long overdue for a trim, and I had no expectations that he'd groom me. I'd fully expected to have to manage on my own, if only he'd lend me his electric trimmer.

Apparently he'd been thinking about us as a couple again too. He invited me into the mancave for the first time in awhile. Then, instead of going to get the trimmer for me, he asked if I wanted him to do it.

"Yes. Please."

Why? Firstly, the prospect of trimming my hooha and leaving it bloody and mangled while I struggled to reach it didn't hold that much excitement for me. And second, I sorely wanted him inside my body again, waking up my core, and melting all the coldness away. I so wanted to be warm and alive again.

He makes me respond to him, despite my doubts, despite my fears and sadness. He manages to reach deeper inside than anyone else and make me burn for him. He's my drug, my opium high, the experience in my life right now that I need as much as I need to breathe. I had no expectations past that moment. But he did.

He told me how he missed me, but how he didn't know how to fix it. I asked him if he loved me again and he became quiet for a moment and said plainly "I never stopped". We left things up in the air for then and spent the next many days talking and negotiating. He came up with his terms: confront Jachin once and for all about what had gone down between the 3 of us. My terms: fine but his ass had to be there too. No more "he said/she said" bullshit.

It was an awful confrontation and Jachin condemned himself as the guilty party 40 times over that day. But the last bit of hesitation seemed to melt away from Malcolm with that meeting. Something in his own head had been satisfied that day, some lingering question or doubt erased. He embraced me.....no he embraced US with a whole new zest and enthusiasm. Wonderful but scary too.

So we find ourselves in love. Again. I hear it in the tone of his voice, he's infatuated like when we first started dating. Me? It's a sick kind of mushy, and yet I also find myself casting away my meekness around him to be who I really am...the strong, proud, capable and intensely sexual woman he fell in love with. I know him on a soul deep level. All his dirty secrets and lies are my playground. There's nothing hiding and he's vulnerable, yet he trusts me. We both hurt each other badly though, and we are taking time to allow our wolves to rest a moment, snuggle, and lick the other's wounds.

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