For years, I've identified as Primal and felt fully confident that I knew what I was about. As many know, both Satan and I carry succubus/incubus, and identify with our demon as the beast it is. The demon within has a very animalistic quality. It identifies fear, pleasure, hunger/need, and power. For a long time now, I have battled to live side by side with this thing inside. This thing that knows nothing of remorse, or empathy. That lives by it's base instincts, and enjoys toying with it's prey. Sometimes I'm in control of it, sometimes...not so much.
Years ago when I saw the listing of "Primal", I knew that it referred to us. I was sure that it meant people like us who harbored the beast inside, and ran wild, preferred a pack mentality etc. That in a Primal mentality you were either Prey or Predator. And hey! We'd found our niche! Easy peasy, right?
I recently attended an event billed as a "Primal" event, and once there realized it had absofuckinglutely nothing to do with our vision of Primal. It was native, it was quasi-spiritual, there was even a smattering of Celtic and Druid Tribalism. But Primal?? I just didn't see it at all. Folks there insisted it was. Insisted that primal was returning to your roots as a human, was pulling in energy, dancing with the flames, communing with your fellow tribe-mates. And I was left with the confused impression that someone was fearfully wrong.
Today I wonder if the person who is wrong is me. I looked up Primal as i've followed some threads post event where the group has been seeking it's own kind of definition. So I went to trusty Google, and I Googled "Primal". This is what I got:
pri·mal
ˈprīməl/
adjective
essential; fundamental.
"for me, writing is a primal urge"
synonyms: basic, fundamental, essential, elemental, vital, central, intrinsic, inherent
"primal masculine instincts"
relating to an early stage in evolutionary development; primeval.
"primal hunting societies"
synonyms: original, initial, earliest, first, primitive, primeval
"the primal source of living things"
PSYCHOLOGY
of, relating to, or denoting the needs, fears, or behavior that are postulated (especially in Freudian theory) to form the origins of emotional life.
"he preys on people's primal fears"
Based on this definition, we are not primal at all. Based on this definition, Primal has nothing to do with beasts, or demons, or pack living, or or or.....
So where does that leave us?
I suppose I will begin anew my search for who and what we are. But for now, I am removing my label of "Primal", and will simply self identify as what I can only conceive that I am....a Beast. Not that labeling is something we require, but for a moment it helped us make sense of something that often feels non-sensical. We are human, and we are other. That's true of all people. However, in us, the "other" has it's own identity. Perhaps we're just schizophrenic :)
