So a couple of the girls and I were sitting around chatting. You know, like we do. And we talked about having sex with partners who were.....awful... in bed.
What categorizes as awful?
My list consisted of partners who were very one-dimensional, didn't have any skills, lacked a knowledge of basic anatomy, and weren't willing to do whatever it took to get the job done. Partners who were unable to get into my head, or who lack imagination in the bedroom. Partners who are unwilling to take the time to learn anything on their own and up their game.
I realize, off the bat, that I'm a high needs woman. I think that the men in my past who have been phenomenal lovers have qualified as such to me because they were creative, and they paid attention. They knew and understood the cadence of my sounds, my movements and such. They weren't squeamish men who are put off by body fluid, and they had a good deal of experience and many skills. They handled their own body well, and didn't need a bucketload of toys to rescue them.
In many other forums, women and men (because I absolutely recognize that there are women out there that are not the best lovers too) bemoan the fact that their partners don't satisfy them. And inevitably the topic of "Just show them what you like, teach them" comes up. I could accept that premise if the lover in question were 20. However, with the advent of porn being readily available on the internet, with erotica and such...how can any person in this day and age NOT be the worlds best lover?
At my age, I've decided that while I may train someone occasionally in D/s, I'm not up to training people in the basics of having sex. I feel that if you are going to approach someone, and especially approach them in a lifestyle capacity, that you had better make sure that you dot your i's and cross your t's before you initiate the encounter. I want to hit the ground running with a partner, not start at 0.
Here are my issues with men I see (and women!!) in my journey....
1.) Oral sex is not optional - It's a necessary part of foreplay. Men expect it. Women, in this day and age, expect it as well, and rightly so.
2.)Know your basic anatomy - If you don't know all the parts of the female genitalia, look it up. Get to know it, and get to know everything every part does. Get to know what NOT to touch, and how to keep a woman healthy. Women, take a moment to study every pleasure center on a man. They really are more complex than just yanking on a stick.
3.)Be creative - Try new things! Watch porn that relates to the kind of encounter you're interested in and learn some new techniques.
4.)Pay Attention!! - Is your partner excited, or laying quietly? Is he or she responding to a particular thing you did? Did he or she express in the past a like or a dislike to something you tried? Remember those things!
5.)Toys are fun enhancers, but they are not the solution.
6.)Don't talk alot of shit before an encounter! Those that can, do. Those that can't? Talk shit.
7.)Have a humongous dick? Great! What else can you do? Don't count on your mammoth member being enough, it most likely won't be.
8.)Love Anal Sex? If you (guys) are going to want to explore back roads terrain, then you best be prepared to get dirty. As they say, sometimes shit happens.
9.)Since Sex happens between two people, it's not all about you. Make sure you're thinking about how your partner is doing, don't be a selfish lover.
10.)Grooming, grooming, grooming. Are your hairs trimmed, and fingernails trimmed? While some people have a fetish for a bush, most women find it offensive to get poked in the eye with a pubic hair when they are giving a blow job. Likewise, most men don't want to pull a 12 foot hair out of their mouth when they give oral. Groom yourself for what you expect. There is no shame in manscaping, and for ladies, it's important to make sure you are fresh. Nobody wants to stick their face in a trout farm.
I invite others to blog about their experiences. I'm interested to know how others have been faring out there.
